


Farewell

by yuliaplisetskaya



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, this is really short I lack any skill whatsoever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 20:03:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8910154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuliaplisetskaya/pseuds/yuliaplisetskaya
Summary: (I am infinitely more poetic inside than I let on - the blame is on you.)





	

("Since this is likely to be the last conversation I’ll have with John Watson, would you mind if we took a moment?")

There are a plethora of words unsaid, hung in the thickening awkward silence between us. It wasn't like this, before. When I was younger and I took you for granted, things were marginally better. But let me say them out loud, even if it's just in my mind palace, echoing in empty chambers devoid of your affection.

("John, there’s something ... I should say; I-I’ve meant to say always and then never have. Since it’s unlikely we’ll ever meet again, I might as well say it now.")

There has never been a moment, not since that fateful night when you pulled a trigger to end a life in exchange for mine, that I am not irrevocably in love with you. Since that moment I knew I would go through great lengths to protect you in turn. Try as I might, Moriarty still managed to strap you in a semtex and train an assassin on you. Two years later and I still made a mistake, thinking that you'd welcome me with open arms. You, John Watson, are a puzzle I'll never be strong nor smart enough to figure out. But this only serves to show how cruel of a man I am--so undeserving of your love, when I dare to hope of it. You chose her, now. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't pain me during my every waking day, but that's the only correct choice you can make. You, with your utmost bravery and loyalty, do not deserve an arrogant bastard who'll only stomp on your heart everytime you wear it on your sleeve.

("Sherlock is actually a girl’s name.")

I know you're not going to fall in love with me, because that would be wishful thinking, but please know that I'll never stop. My heart will beat for you and you only. And even if it takes jumping off a building, two years bringing down a mafia, a bullet wound that nearly flatlined me, and millions of other near-death experience for you to see, then I will do it. I will die for you, and die, and die all over again, if it means saving you. The price a fool can pay for a miracle to happen is only his life. This is my only offering. My heart, my being--yours to keep, to do what you please with it.

("I think it could work.")

There are times I wish we didn't live so dangerously. There are times I wish I were less volatile and the world less harsh, so maybe you could consider choosing me out of your own will. There are times I wish we could be together, just the two of us against the rest of the world, forever, forever, forever. But right now you still dream of Afghanistan and I still dream of Serbia and there is an east wind coming to take us all. We have to brace ourselves against whatever is set in our path. So maybe, right now is not the time, yet. But I am willing to wait, John; for you, I am willing to do everything.

("To the very best of times, John.")

**Author's Note:**

> Transcript by [ Ariane DeVere ](%E2%80%9Darianedevere.livejournal.com%E2%80%9D)


End file.
